Myinward journey to living a mindfuland qualitylife
while living with NP-SLE, RRMS and CIDP
and their overlapping accessories.
Slapping the face of many things demyelinating.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Boundary Setting for the Chronically Ill
I'm learning how to set more effective boundaries with people. Being sick with a chronic systemic disease has required me to remove myself from useless relationships specifically emotionally toxic ones. I cannot tell you how being sick has really motivated me with spending my time wisely. I had a few old relationships that were not productive, they lacked personal growth and were rather idle in drama and gossip. Spending time with those people made me feel emotionally drained and fractured. I wrestled with this erroneous sense of obligation to the 'relationship.' That feeling of obligation was not real. There was no truth in the emotional entrapment that I was participating in. I realized that all I needed to do was remove myself from it; to not engage with them. I also realized that I was not obligated to discuss my leaving to them, because they were emotionally incapable of such a discussion. Well, I'll tell you that the mere act of me stopping all contact with them made me squirm with these erroneous & false feelings of obligation. But I just kept moving forward. It is very liberating to remove toxic relationships from my life and to not waste what energy I do have on idle bullshit.
I've gone no contact with first degree relatives and even a 20+ year old
friendship. I learned that what I had with these relationships was wishful
thinking. Healthy relationships are mutually productive and supportive to the emotional growth of both people. My time is limited and nobody else lives in my skin except for me. Are My actions and thought life confirming my emotional well-being and peace of mind, or not? If they are not then what steps do I need to take to ensure my emotional well-being?
If I'm unhappy about something in my life (including between my ears) then it's my duty to ensure my own state of inner peace.
Recently, I ran into an old acquaintance, who is elderly and extremely frail because of a serious illness. We exchanged phone numbers and within two days he reminded me why I had stopped contact with him
several years ago. He disrespected my boundaries and well, he blew it. I owe him no further discussion about it and that is totally okay. Now, I just move forward with keeping mindful to my well-being between my ears, because with my body failing me I need as much quality of life between my ears that I can get!