Welcome to Redefining Myself!

My inward journey to living a mindful and quality life

while living with NP-SLE, RRMS and CIDP

and their overlapping accessories.

Slapping the face of many things demyelinating.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Person that I am Becoming

Thanksgiving isn't just a day or an occasion; or if your fortunate enough to have it, a paid day off from your employer. Thanksgiving is a consciousness, a state of mind of appreciation & gratitude for things in my life. Look, even when I've faced many challenges I can still recognize the things in my life that bring quality to my life. 

In the last two years I've walked through some tedious challenges- some of which I thought would render me into sheer nothingness & uselessness. It's easy to talk of gratitude when things are going our way. Give gratitude a try when you can't bathe or dress yourself and your 11 year old is frightened that you will die but instead her fear manifests into anger that you have to redirect. Try gratitude when you have zero dollars and mucho bills and need a gallon of milk and it's only 5 days until the first of the month, or when your friends beautiful 13 year old son has been diagnosed with bone cancer and you can't physically be there to support her through such a horrendous event. All that stuff takes immense courage to walk through and walking through those storms builds interior muscles. And maybe a tad of obstinacy has helped see me through storms! Hahahaha 

For me, the things that I hold most dear are the very bonds & connections that I have with my few kindred's. Every day I celebrate that I do not suffer from lack of my own kind. I have my kindred's today and you ho's know who you are. I value my loved ones and their presence in my life for they continue to help shape me into the 'person that I am becoming' (someone very wise coined that, but at present moment, my neuro-psychiatric issues are preventing me from remembering who) I am keenly aware today, that I am a work in progress. For much of my young adult life I had preconceived notions, that I would suddenly one day 'arrive' at some plateau and hit the cruise control once all MY ideas & eggs fell into the right baskets. Hahaha! That is one of the finest spiritual paradoxes I've experienced. 

Oh hell, I assure you that my journey can not be done in isolation! I haven't been able to weather this thing called alone! I have my handful of kindred's who help me, love me, support me, give me healthy feed back, are my voices of reason and reassurance, all as I trudge the path through this remarkable and at times baffling process of 'the person I am becoming.'

The world is still a good place in spite of the constant barrage of negative nightly news reals that most of you subject your tender psyches to daily. 

Most of the people in this world do not suffer from character disorders and are not evil, living against Spiritual Laws (I'm not speaking dogma or any organized religion but rather spiritual principles that may even predate mankind. That'll put skid marks in your undies! Hahaha). The truth is that most folks are decent human beings.

So, it is my wish for each of you to come into mindfulness of the gifts in your life. That each day you can be thankful both in mind and action. That you grow into more awareness of the gifts in your life and do the cotton picking footwork to maintain that very state of mind. 

As my mentor used to say, "Willingness without action is fantasy!" Peace out & have a great Ten Minute Feast Day!