Welcome to Redefining Myself!

My inward journey to living a mindful and quality life

while living with NP-SLE, RRMS and CIDP

and their overlapping accessories.

Slapping the face of many things demyelinating.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

I Do Not Need Your Help!

Asking for help has gotten easier for me to do in recent years because of my impairments but back in 2005 when I was first diagnosed with MCTD it was extremely difficult for me to accept my limitations and even worse to ask other's for help.

I was battling with my own pride and self-sufficiency. I had always been able to get things done on my own- thank you very much. I would get offended (pride; coupled with the fears of me losing control as a functioning person!) when people asked if I needed help.

I held to a belief that asking for help or even allowing other's to help meant that I wasn't a whole functioning person! Wrong!

That pride and fear has really blocked me mentally and emotionally and spiritually at times. There were many situations when those feelings made me behave outwardly as a bitch. Of course, I did not intentionally set out to lash out at others, but I did. That has made me feel even more terrible!

Over the years I've discovered a few little life skills in dealing with my pride and fear. First, I simply admit to myself that I am having those thoughts bouncing around in my head. Secondly, if I can admit it aloud to another person that even reduces my internal battle.  

Feelings are not always facts. Sometimes they are bogeymen. I have to face those bogeymen because when I entertain them, not only do they reduce my quality of life but also they have a ripple effect on those about me, namely my loved ones.

Recently, I was at an appointment with my PCP, Dr. Pat and she asked my daughter if I was allowing her to help me more often. My daughter said, "Sometimes, when I ask Mum if she needs my help she tells me, 'No, I got it. But she is asking me a little more than she used to.' " Dr. Pat looked at us both and said, "I find it interesting that the people who don't need that much help ask for it and the people who need it the most have a greater tendency to not ask for help."

I explained to her that I was more willing to ask for help today because it has a beneficial impact on my quality of life.

Sometimes I do the unthinkable! I ask someone for help! Scary stuff, you know. As crazy as this sounds, there have been times that I'd rather jump out of an airplane without parachute than ask someone for help! Insidious stuff, isn't it?!

The immediate benefits of not playing sick chick with imaginary super human power skills include; not hurting my loved one's feelings, more energy, less fatigue, quality life and peace of mind.